Tales From Paradise: Drunken Sailors Disease

Saludos. Paradise has two sides of the coin, the sun-shiny beauty, the migrating birds, the beaches, the bananas growing on our banana tree in our yard, and the beautiful yellow/black/blue Jay-like birds that hang out on the window bars spreading their wings and serenading me every morning.

Then, on the other side of the coin in Paradise, my Internet service comes and goes and has been coming and going for a month, or actually longer. I've made calls, tech on-line folks have tried to help, the tech workers have made house calls and changed out everything, including all the microfilters, old phone cables, even giving me my 4th modem in 1 & 1/2 years, and the day before yesterday when the workman left, everything worked great! Not so today.

Yesterday, it was still the other side of the coin, because about 2:30 AM, I woke up to go to the bathroom and staggered on my way. I couldn't stop myself from bumping into the bed, the doorway, and scaring my self, as I turned on the light to check if I'd had a stroke making all kinds of faces, but I was perfectly normal. So I headed back to bed, dizzy, clumsy, and staggering. Well, sleep was the answer, so I slept away until after 7 AM. New day, just a bad dream, I thought and got up. Whoa! I staggered around like a drunken sailor on shore leave who'd just come off the ship! Every time I moved my head, off I'd go staggering in a different direction. Being a Doctor, I don't believe I get sick, so in my stubbornness, I pin-balled my way down the circular stairs, unable to manage without hanging on and going v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y to the kitchen. I had decided a cup of espresso, a spoonful of peanut butter, and laying down in the hammock with my Kindle would fix me up!

Wrong! I went to the kitchen sink and turned on the water in the sink for coffee, and I was soon standing in water on the kitchen floor. That would mean, I needed to call the plumbers to fix the leak under the sink. Looking down and having the floor go on tilt, I almost ended up on my bottom, managing to grab the counter at the last minute. Badly needing my morning cup of espresso to help me solve my problems I did my drunken sailor act as I got my water, and started my coffee. I staggered over to the switch and turned on the ceiling fan, hoping it would help dry the water on the floor. Even though a mop would fit the part of a sailor, the drunken part, made going for the mop, out.

After blissfully drinking my espresso, I admitted that I needed to go to the Doctor, even though I hate being a patient since I always have perfect health. I went back upstairs, hanging on to the railing for dear life because I needed to get dressed and get ready to go. I thought I should ask my neighbors to drive me, I'm not sure how driving would be. But I told myself, "I'm tough as she comes, I'll drive myself, after all, I'm an Army Brat".

So with an even worse staggering gait, I got in the car and drove to the Doctor's office in Barra, the little fishing village in Paradise. After some near misses, and my steering was a bit wobbly as I drove like a drunken sailor might, I made it to the office. The office and pharmacy are open during office hours, so a nurse/helper saw me, after I got out of the car, careening and holding on to what I could reach. She ran over to me, holding on and telling the receptionist to get the Doctor. He came out and helped me go right into his office. He asked what was wrong aside from the obvious, being calm, asking me open-ended questions, then more and more close-ended questions, as he smiled and got his equipment. He checked my oxygen saturation, took my blood pressure, and looked into my ears, took my temperature, and declared all were perfect. Then as I talked and moved my head, even sitting down, I was dizzy. I know my Doctor friends reading this out there in cyber-land, had the diagnosis as soon as I described it, just as Dr. Crespo, who's office I was sitting in, knew what was wrong as soon as I entered. As for me, I had an idea, but since I don't believe I'm a patient, I am not good at diagnosing myself. As the saying goes: " the Doctor who treats himself, has a fool for a patient."

My Doc told me, I have Labyrinth inflammation. The labyrinth looks like a conch shell deep within the inner ear and manages balance and posture when we change the position of our heads. Mine was inflamed for any number of reasons, the most likely: the resurgence of allergies due to molds, pollen, and blooming flowers. Not only that but it has gotten hotter in April, and much more humid, causing some inflammation. All that scientific knowledge didn't help me when I staggered around looking like I was foundering on land, but you can sure bet on it, now I know what Labyrinth Disease feels like.

Dr. Crespo treated with an antibiotic, an anti-inflammatory and a medication that's often used in seasickness. I took the medication right there after I paid for it, the Nurse helped me out to my car, and I drove home going about 20 miles/hour and arrived safely back. I spent the day resting and having the plumber come and fix the leaks.

As the sun started to set in the west, I hoisted my ice-cold water, said to myself, "Ahoy matey, you made it into port safe and sound."

Ah sweet Paradise with your two sides of the coin: one to make you smile, the other to show you that when it's not good, you'll really know when it is good.

So dear readers, I wish you, perfect health, internet service that works, all your leaks fixed.

Ahoy!